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Rules from “Fifty Shades of Grey” Trilogy That Compare To Having A Toddler

E L James’ erotic, edgy, steamy Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is one of the best selling series of all time and has stirred up the libidos of woman all around the world.  A friend and I got laughing about the comparison between the books and having a Toddler.

First, as a parent you play the role of the dominant and your toddler is the submissive (obviously just an analogy!)  You want to do everything you can so your kid isn’t 50 Shades of Spoiled (and as  f-ed up like the star of the book, Christian Grey, in any way/shape/form).  Helping to mold your toddler by teaching “the rules”, enforcing “your contract“, being patient, understanding, and being consistent is vital. {Below my daughter giving me the same look I had if I was interrupted while reading the series} .

Secondly, the things you say as a parent (or utter under your breath) and the rules you enforce in a sense correlate to the bookPlease be advised Dept. of Child Services, I swear I do not beat my child; nor say most of these things to my child (I plead the fifth for the little voices in my head).

I started to keep a running list of what Christian Grey said in the book (some are direct quotes) that a parent could say to a toddler:

  • Take that out of your mouth.
  • Put your pants back on.
  • Eat everything on your plate…or else.
  • Do you want to go to your playroom?
  • Do you need to go in time out?
  • No hitting.
  • No biting.
  • No pinching
  • Stop that or I’ll spank you.
  • Don’t roll your eyes at me.
  • Don’t lick that.
  • Don’t touch yourself down there.
  • Follow my directions…or else.
  • “I do believe you’re making my palm twitch.”
  • “I lay awake for hours and watched you sleep.”
  • “I don’t know whether to worship at your feet or spank the living sh*t out of you!”
  • “We aim to please in this house.”

For those of you who somehow dodged the hype, Shades of Grey has been described as “mommy porn”. It is predicted in nine months or so we will see the results directly impact delivery rooms worldwide. All because of a tall, dark, and handsome yet controlling, sadomasochistic 27 year old, Christian Grey.  (Rumor has it Magic Mike has a little something something to do with it too…I have yet to be able to share my thoughts on how hunky Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey are in the flic).

Night after night women climb into bed with the broken, yet faithful Grey and his personal struggles to love and be loved with subservient, Anastasia Steele.  Day after day they find a way to sneak in just ONE more chapter, somewhere…somehow.  I started the books while I was alone on a flight home and found myself curled up in window seat reading it-almost embarrassed.  This is coming from one of the most open, non-prudish, person you will probably ever meet.  Throughout the day in the airport I noticed I was not the only one.  Everywhere I looked woman of all ages had the black/gray book open with the same look of shock, awe, and curiosity I had.  The love story captivated me and got me through the books because I’m sorry, I couldn’t take reading about someone having THAT much sex…It got to the point where at times I was just skimming.  A few times, I will confess Christian Grey could have been my husband!  Sure, it isn’t the world’s best written book; however,  it will consume your thoughts, make you sleep deprived, and get you rearing to go in the bedroom.  Next thing you know everywhere you are, gals are gathered together, discussing this MUST READ book.

Questions for the CGTCM peanut gallery-Please comment!

Who do you want to be casted as Christian Grey and/or Anastasia Steel in the upcoming film version of Fifty Shades of Grey?

Who is the dominant parent in your family?  (Not in the bedroom people, please spare me those details!!)

For sure I have to say I am the dominant one enforcing the rules in our family, Daddy is a pushover…but what can I say she IS “Daddy’s Little Girl”.

What do you find yourself saying to your little one that reminds you of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele?

Well, that is all from me…Laters Baby!

Be sure to check out this Saturday Night Live-Fifty Shades of Grey Video below if you have not seen it!

  1. gail Reply
    would you recommend this book to your mother or would she kill her husband after reading it? maybe he should see his doctor first?!
    • Marissa Reply
      No comment!! HEHE Loves!
  2. Keri Reply
    I have not jumped on the 50 shades train yet, but as a mom of 13yo, 4yo & 17mo I say things from that list all day every day...hillarious I think I will read just to see if I can get some new parenting phrases ;)
    • Marissa Reply
      Good to know that the list will apply to teenagers as well. Thanks so much for stopping in. I am glad you got a good laugh!
  3. Stephanie @ PinkPeacockDesignStudio Reply
    I found you from the TGIF Blog Hop. I have to admit I haven't read Fifty Shades of Grey, but even without having read it, this post is hysterical! As for who should be the male lead, if it's a dreamy handsome man you're after, I agree that Josh Duhamel is so very very on target :-)
    • Marissa Reply
      Thanks so much Stephanie!! I'll have to hop on over to your site as well. I appreciate your comment and I am thrilled you enjoyed the post. Have a great day!
  4. dadblunders Reply
    Very interesting take on parenthood! As a stay-at-home dad I had never considered myself as a "dominant" role model to my son. I had considered myself a role model and driving factor behind his future success. I will add that if we are going to discuss 50 Shades of Gray and parenting. You might want to add "No scratching" ..... "Don't make me tell you again!" and the ever popular "I will send you straight to bed" Just some thoughts from a stay-at-home dad..... :) Aaron
    • Marissa Reply
      Aaron you are AWESOME! Love the new additions...It's my husbands dream to be a SAHD. I appreciate your time and comment and will be looking for some more Thoughts from my Man Panels in the future I am sure. I hope you have a great weekend!
  5. Mallory Reply
    omg- I love the list you made of things Christian Grey said that you would say to your toddler. hysterical!
    • Marissa Reply
      Thanks Mallory! I am glad you enjoyed them-I was nervous to write this because I didn't want anyone to think I was some BDSM Mom!
  6. Brandon, from My Own Private Idaho Reply
    I would love to give more feedback, but alas, I haven't read the book (and don't plan on reading it...) As for the dominant parent, that is definitely me. I'm the 'bad cop' and keep everyone in line. Mommy is the glue that holds the family together, but I'm the vice-grip that holds everything in place as the glue sets in.
    • Marissa Reply
      Well put! Do you have boys or girls? How is Idaho treating you, I love to connect with those that moved to the Midwest from a coast. I just miss the good Seafood from RI, and the beaches...along with my friends. I bet you have some kick ass potatoes out there in Idaho! LOL Appreciate the comment!
  7. Happy Little Feet Reply
    Oh my goodness. This is hilarious. I often find myself saying things to the kids and think this is so wrong! Thanks for the laugh
    • Marissa Reply
      Yeah!! SO glad you enjoyed it, if you think of any others let me know!
  8. Tracy @ Momaical Reply
    Hahahaha! Love all the quotes from the book that can also be used with children. As far as Christian Grey - I always put Simon Baker (the Mentalist) in any starring hot male role for me. I know he's a few years older than 27 year old Christian - but so freakin hot. Yummy!
    • Dani Reply
      I used Josh Duhamel or the guy in the Star Trek movie. Depended on my mood hahaha.
      • Marissa Reply
        Oh yes, agree with Josh Duhamel is dreamy. Are you a Trekkie? Should I start calling you Spock?
    • Marissa Reply
      Shut the front door! I love him-I wish he had darker hair though. He reminds me of Ben from Felicity back in the day and his accent...scrumptious! I'm torn...I just love Ryan Gosling too but he really isn't the tall, dark, and handsome type!
  9. Dani Reply
    I am dying laughing. I love this post so so so much! xoxo
    • Marissa Reply
      Thanks doll! With 5 kids I can only imagine the shit you say on a day to day basis!
  10. Diana Reply
    Lol! I must say that I agree with you on this. I have always been the dominant one with the kids, there Dad is the biggest pushover ever!
    • Marissa Reply
      I swear he would give her a Popsicle every hour on the hour if she wanted it. When he does have to discipline her it breaks his heart because she gets so upset since it is rare that he raises his voice to her. Then they end up practically crying together!

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