It is 106 flipping degrees out …or as I like to say “hot as balls”. In Boston it would be a SCOURCH-AAAA. Bottom line, it is literally too hot to do anything unless you have a pool or a boat. Yesterday afternoon, I braved the heat to get out of the house and headed to one of the greatest places in Southern Indiana, Holiday World and Splashin’ Safari. I get SO ecstatic anytime I can display my flabby post-baby body to the world. Actually, the flab I can deal with; it is my own fault I have NO urge to lift a weight or break a sweat when I have a free minute. It’s really depressing when my top will barely stay up. Gone are the days of the mammoth nursing tatas I sported last year, providing me with side boob for the first time in my life. Now it’s just me and my flap jacks…just hanging out, chilling. Man, I can’t wait to get pregnant again!
I was shocked because the park wasn’t too busy. I guess 105 degree weather discourages people from wanting to hop on rides after someone else’s Swass remains when you sit in the seat? FYI Swass=sweaty ass. ICK…that is the worst-as if your own Swass isn’t bad enough. That is just as bad as being next to use an airplane bathroom and out walks a sweaty, large gentleman that won’t make eye contact with you. We had a great day, my little fish loves to swim and even went down some of the water slides on her own (sigh…this time last year she was just my nugget) And are you ready for this, when we got home she took a two hour nap and slept through the night. Can you say WINNING?
Last weekend we were “vacating” home to Rhode Island aka the Ocean State-the land of even on the hottest days you still have ocean breezes and a sandy beach nearby to escape to so you can maintain your sanity. Now here we are, all stuck inside with an energetic child who doesn’t comprehend why she can’t run around outside. It is NOT pretty….our AC is running constantly, the ceiling fans are in full gear, blinds are drawn, and the house looks like a scene from the Hunger Games. Wounded toys are dispersed throughout the house, and the Capitol dropped a gynormous ladybug tent to the living room in attempt to distract child from destroying other areas of the house. Unfortunately, the decoy did not work, just took up more space of our small 1400 sq foot house.
Oh and to top it all off, there is NO chocolate OR alcohol in the house. I take that back, at least any alcohol I would be ok with consuming unless it called for desperate measures. We have Carrot Cake moonshine from 3 years ago and a few frozen daiquiris I picked up last summer at Walmart. There is practically no booze in them, so what’s the point of consuming all of those yummy calories without a guaranteed buzz? But, I won’t lie, they are actually calling my name about now. ***Oh dear, I just sounded like a true hick using both the words moonshine and Walmart in the same sentence?!?!
PLUS, I have PMS and PRB (Post Rhody Blues). THAT my friends is the main reason I say it is not pretty! My poor man probably wants to lock himself in the closet, maybe that is why he has offered 5 times to go get me chocolate at the gas station? I have seriously eaten everything in sight, but of course nothing is doing the trick. And to make matters worse we are on a budget (discussion for future post) and have no good food in the house so, I’m skimming the pantry for options to fill my needs. CONFESSION: I just opened a can of Funfetti frosting, added the sprinkles and went to town as my husband rolled his eyes at me. Yup, I know I am gross, I can admit it at least.
I do have some happy news to report after all my bitching. A family nap did occur this afternoon and it was FANTABULOUS. FYI naps are not a normal in our house-my daughter has my husband by the balls and me by the flap jacks so she calls the shots when it comes to sleep, which apparently she doesn’t require much of. It was probably one of the top 5 naps of all times. Prior to our nap, baby girl walked me to the bathroom gesturing she needed to tinkle and went potty. Can I get a Whoop Whoop? Then after our nap she went again! We did the celebratory dance and brought her back into bed and TAAA DAAA…guess she wasn’t done because she just pops a squat on my pillow before I could get a diaper back on her. Oh well I look at this as a win/win situation. One more step closer to ditching diapers AND I was forced to change the sheets; they were starting to smell like the baseball house back in college anyways. And lastly, I finally peer pressured my hubby to stray away from his stupid Ghost Hunters shows and tune in to the series Revenge that everyone raves about and we are HOOKED! If you don’t watch this series buy into the hype-you will NOT regret it!