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Don’t Compare Where You Are and Where You Think You Should Be

There are moments in life when you think shit can NOT get any worse. If it isn’t one thing, it is another.   When it rains, it pours…right? For me personally-my mid to late 20’s felt like I was in a constantly precipitating. First it was being sick with Lyme Disease, then it was having a lemon for a car, NO luck finding Mr. Right, and other little piddly things like my luggage always getting lost or getting a speeding ticket when I had NO money.  Sure, they weren’t THAT big of a deal; however, at times, I was down in the dumps.  Don’t get me wrong, I was still living it up, going out with my friends-having a blast, pretending like life was grand because really, it was.  Looking back, I now realize my attitude sucked.  Every time something bad happened I would always think “oh poor me” or “well, that’s just my luck”, “why can’t I have it like so and so”?  Inside my head, I was so negative.  It was obvious nothing positive was going to come into my life because I wouldn’t allow it to.  I always believed and preached “Attitude is Everything” and at this time of my life I wasn’t living by my own advice.  I had everything any 20-something would want: an amazing family, friends, employment, place to live, and the world at my fingertips.  I should have turned that frown upside down!

This weekend I had an “Ah Ha moment”.  I never in my wildest dreams thought my life could be THIS good. I asked my husband if he ever thought we would be this happy.  We were nestled in bed on a Friday night with the laptop, watching Season 2 of the television series, Lost.  He agreed by saying something totally romantical.  I can’t recall exactly what he said because I black out and see fluttering hearts and butterflies whenever he talks like that.  I once thought I was going to be the old lady who lived in the Shoe with 5 dogs and her dad, and didn’t know what to do!  And believe it or not, I was actually okay with it.

I believe the way I was feeling during those “tough times” all stems from where we THINK we should be when we are in our mid-to-late 20’s:  You know…Married to your college sweetheart, living in the house on the corner with the white picket fence, traveling the world, making babies, and working in a job you enjoy.  Meanwhile…I was single, living at home with my dad, traveling the world with one of my best girl friends, finally had found my “niche” working in higher education, watching all of my friends get hitched and produce gorgeous children.  At times, I even thought I was a failure because I wasn’t at the point of my life I thought I should have been at say, 25 years old.  But on the flip side, I was totally okay on my own and preferred to be swinging single than stuck in a long-term relationship/marriage and miserable.  I could have settled for some jack @ss who wasn’t right for me, but I was raised to never settle. I had awesome friends to support me, keep me busy, and I was very independent.  I just LONGED for that companionship every girl wants and deserves.

My grandma died Sept 20, 2005 and from that point on life made a turn for the better, I swear she was up there talking to the Big Guy telling him to give me a break. Shortly after, I got a promotion at work, started to actually feel better after six months of hell, and met Mr. Right instead of Mr. WRONG! Yup, he was the most adorable guy EVER.  And get this-he was a gentleman, had his head on straight, graduated college, played baseball…I mean the TOTAL package.  Well, except he lived 1500 miles away from me and shaved his arms.  Problem….I fell flat on my face HARD!  Next thing you know 3 months later I’m moving to “The Sunshine State” taking a leap of faith.

I am going to warn you people RIGHT NOW…I am ABOUT TO GET ALL CHEESY ON YOU! Since we are watching the series Lost, it reminded me how happy I am, and got me thinking, “God what would I ever do without him?”  “What DID I do without him?” “I would have been Lost without him in my life”. It isn’t that we have lavish cars, a huge house, the best clothes, and eat out at the finest restaurants.  What we “have” is all we need…a real relationship based on true love and trust-not one that flashy, frilly, and fake.

Moral of the story: no matter where you are in life {Young, old, middle aged, mid-life crisis, pregnant, divorced, unemployed, depressed, overwhelmed, etc.} don’t compare where you are and where you think you should be.  Things work out one way or another; they always seem to, right?  Things can always be worse.  If you are 19 and don’t know what to major in, so be it!  You will figure it out just STAY IN SCHOOL.  If you are single, you could meet the man/woman or your dreams tomorrow, don’t shut true love out.  If you are getting divorced, you will get through this.  Single and pregnant?  You will be a great mom and meet someone who will love both you and your child.  I could go on and on.  Same thing holds true for comparing what you have to what others have.  Why bother?  Are you happy?  That is ALL that should matter!

At times, I wished I would have had a road map to lead me to today and to see what the future holds.  But, you know what, that would make life boring. Live, Love, and Laugh, make everyday worthwhile.  Be true to yourself, make yourself happy-don’t let anyone get you down, and Carpe Diem!  There will be bumps along the way, but try to roll with it!

Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride” Gary Allen

  1. Sumithra Sen Reply
    I had no idea you could write so well!! I met you during your late 20's and I am so happy to see you content. Keep it up!
    • Marissa Reply
      You met me when I was 23 love! January 2, 2003 we started working together :) Thanks-I wish I could write well...but I can at least try to be funny!! Hope all is well!
  2. Tina Atkinson Reply
    You are a remarkable young woman -- wise beyond your years to learn what some folks never learn in a lifetime. Be happy with yourself first, love who you are, and treat those around you with compassion and respect. Happiness and joy will find its way to you, usually when you least expect it. Have faith that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Love you, Maris ... so happy to share this journey with you!
    • Marissa Reply
      Thanks TeeTee! I learn from those I surrounded myself with (hint, hint!). I really didn't understand that in order to be in a successful relationship and stand on 4 legs, you had to be able to stand on your own two feet and be happy with yourself. Once I figured that out I met my prince charming! Love you too!!
  3. Jennifer Reply
    Seriously... This is exactly what I've been needing hear and apply to my own life lately. Thanks, Maris :)
    • Marissa Reply
      So glad you could somewhat relate...I wish I could have learned this like 10 years ago though. Age does make you wiser, I'm learning this as well!
  4. Peggy Newton Reply
    Marissa-by far my favorite blog. I admit -I am partial -I love Wes. But you are so right, dont settle and attitude means a lot. I feel the same way you do about my husband and we are old. I think we analyze too much what we deserve. God hasbeen good to us and I think we both have another angel watching out for us. Love you all Peggy
    • Marissa Reply
      Awe, thanks Peggy! It's okay to be partial, I'm obsessed with him as well, and thank god I have him daily. I do agree we have a beautiful angel guiding us-gosh I miss her so much! Lots of love, thanks for reading! :)

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